Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
