Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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