I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
