The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
