I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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