I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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