I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
