I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
