You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
