The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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