Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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