i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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