so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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