She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
