Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
