I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
