I wish I could punch you in the face.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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