i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
