Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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