party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
