i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
