i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
