tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
