VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Randomize
