hotel room ftw
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
