But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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