I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
