considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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