I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
