I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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