he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
