I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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