maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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