I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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