I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
