basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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