dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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