Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You can't just leave with hair like that
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
