Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
