my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
