i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
