Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its about making memories worth repressing
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
