he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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