porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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