you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
