I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
