Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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