that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
