I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize