the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
