I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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