yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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