would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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