Just mADE A PArabola og urine
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
