my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
