just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
