I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
