I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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