There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
