I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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