Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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