I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
