My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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