I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
