when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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