I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
