Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
