This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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