so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
