Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
