he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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