you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
