I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
