I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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