Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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