ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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